UMBC've come a long way, baby!

UMBC is like a ghost town tonight. I'm not too shocked by this, though, because it perfectly illustrates how foreign I will come to feel on this campus from now on.
I'm kind of sad about the fact that I'm done with this place...so, to mourn my losses and celebrate this university's impact on me I will now thank UMBC for what it's given me:

O dusty toilet seat in my secret stall, nestled within my secret bathroom in the AoK library. I used you for the last time today, my friend. Was that a sob you choked back as I stood up? Or my thighs bemoaning their last hunch-squat over you? You've been true blue.

O old lady in the Administration building's cafe. It was you that first introduced me to the wonder that was (and is, but no longer for me) the frequent coffee drinkers' card. When I had one more punch to go before my free coffee, you said, "Make it a large one!" And I did, Doris (or Bea, or Ruth, or Sylvia...greatness like yours needs no name). I did make it a large one.

O Atrium, located in the front of the library. Not until my last semester was I aware that you were called an Atrium because, well, you don't really have any traits that I thought an "atrium" would have to possess to be called as such. I had my first Thai peanut salad in you...and my last one. Turns out, too many peanuts in a salad is not always a good thing.

O 88 steps outside of the Fine Arts building. My friend Sarah took a nasty spill on you YEARS ago and still has bruises. And yes, because of you, I joined the short-lived facebook group titled "I've got 99 problems and 88 of them are the steps outside the Fine Arts building."

O smoking section to the left of the FA building, where all of the English students would smoke. I had many an interesting chat with comrades, professors, janitors, etc. right there with you. I was also standing near you when someone told me they overheard my love, Larry David Professor Falco say that I was a force of nature. Nay, I say it is you, smoking section, who is any number of forces of nature. Of course, when I say force of nature, I mean a light drizzle, or humid evening, or pollen season. But I say it lovingly.

O Math/Psych building. I had countless English classes within you and will never be able to understand why that was. They should've added another slash to you if they were so keen to use you for subjects for which you were clearly not meant to be used.

O UMBC, with your hideous bauhausian late 1960's architecture and your swampy, swampy pond. You with your buildings that smell like chalk and b.o. I really will miss you. No longer will I walk down Academic Alley (which isn't actually the technical name for the main row of academic buildings, but I heard it during my first semester there and thought it was pure gold). No longer will I puzzle over why we have one of the least-terrifying mascots in the nation...the Retrievers. Never again will I buy over-priced, but surprisingly good! sushi from your cafe in the commons. Never again will I have to do the weird jog/walk/hike up bookbag trot across campus when I'm late for class.

Thanks for everything, pal.